Post by Hi Dom on Jun 7, 2010 21:20:58 GMT
Could I have known then what I know now? That the cursory hug I bestowed upon you then would be our last, that the fleeting glance I afforded you before I turned away forever would be the final time I ever looked into your beautiful azure eyes? Could I have ever known then, as I do now, that those hateful words would be the last that I spoke to you, or that our turbulent relationship would never be given the opportunity to heal?
Because, Mother, the cruel ghosts which haunt this living nightmare give no respite, no brief moment of rest or repose. All I see when I dare to fall into the horror of life are your beautiful azure eyes, those wells of serenity and peace which were always such a source of comfort and consolation in my youthful years. But now there is no hope. There is no going back. I can never see you again and tell you how truly sorry I am, tell you how much I wish that all that had happened between us was just a momentary error in our lives.
Those beautiful azure eyes, which sparkled like the star you truly were, never showed hate or anger, but only understanding and compassion. No matter how much I angered you, or how much I hated you, you never gave up. Did you know then, as I have learned now, that I love you more than I have ever loved anything before? Vindictive words and the impudent actions of adolescence forced us apart, driving a wall between us that was never knocked down until it was too late. But how I wish we could have battered that wall down! Because only now, when it is too late, can I appreciate the most miraculous gift I was ever given – you.
I can see you clearly, Mother, in my mind. I remember your deliberate, purposeful gait; the way your whole body would move with a majestic grace while Father followed on behind. I can see the brightly coloured dresses you wore in the summer, and the warm woollen fleeces you dressed in during winter. I remember how you objected to wearing real animal fur, and that time you went marching on Piccadilly Circus to protest with your charity friends, and you wouldn’t take me because you worried that I would get scared or lost. You were always the most thoughtful, loving person, and I never appreciated it. In my mind’s eye I can see your long, golden hair, golden like the sun but delicate like a sunflower, as it billowed in the wind when you held my hand and walked with me to school.
When I was young, you promised me that we would go to Venice, and that you would buy me a mask and we would attend a masquerade ball. You promised me that we would walk along the Seine in Paris and climb to the top of the Eiffel Tower and fly away into the sky like peaceful birds in harmonious escape. You told me that the world would be mine, if only I could dare to grasp it. But now, Mother, I have nothing, because I have lost you forever.
You taught me all there ever was to know about the world. You watched me grow from your baby into the venomous, resentful person I became. When I turned my back on you and walked out of your life, you never stopped seeking me. You were more patient than the possum which waits for the last leaf of Autumn to fall before sinking into heavenly slumber. You were more marvellous than the gift of life itself.
Looking at your lifeless body, there is no comfort or respite from this pain which tears at my heart and pulls at my sanity. For that sparkle has faded, Mother, and those beautiful azure eyes can no longer see me through the carcass of our mangled relationship. But one day, I shall see you again, and what was once broken shall be healed.
Because, Mother, the cruel ghosts which haunt this living nightmare give no respite, no brief moment of rest or repose. All I see when I dare to fall into the horror of life are your beautiful azure eyes, those wells of serenity and peace which were always such a source of comfort and consolation in my youthful years. But now there is no hope. There is no going back. I can never see you again and tell you how truly sorry I am, tell you how much I wish that all that had happened between us was just a momentary error in our lives.
Those beautiful azure eyes, which sparkled like the star you truly were, never showed hate or anger, but only understanding and compassion. No matter how much I angered you, or how much I hated you, you never gave up. Did you know then, as I have learned now, that I love you more than I have ever loved anything before? Vindictive words and the impudent actions of adolescence forced us apart, driving a wall between us that was never knocked down until it was too late. But how I wish we could have battered that wall down! Because only now, when it is too late, can I appreciate the most miraculous gift I was ever given – you.
I can see you clearly, Mother, in my mind. I remember your deliberate, purposeful gait; the way your whole body would move with a majestic grace while Father followed on behind. I can see the brightly coloured dresses you wore in the summer, and the warm woollen fleeces you dressed in during winter. I remember how you objected to wearing real animal fur, and that time you went marching on Piccadilly Circus to protest with your charity friends, and you wouldn’t take me because you worried that I would get scared or lost. You were always the most thoughtful, loving person, and I never appreciated it. In my mind’s eye I can see your long, golden hair, golden like the sun but delicate like a sunflower, as it billowed in the wind when you held my hand and walked with me to school.
When I was young, you promised me that we would go to Venice, and that you would buy me a mask and we would attend a masquerade ball. You promised me that we would walk along the Seine in Paris and climb to the top of the Eiffel Tower and fly away into the sky like peaceful birds in harmonious escape. You told me that the world would be mine, if only I could dare to grasp it. But now, Mother, I have nothing, because I have lost you forever.
You taught me all there ever was to know about the world. You watched me grow from your baby into the venomous, resentful person I became. When I turned my back on you and walked out of your life, you never stopped seeking me. You were more patient than the possum which waits for the last leaf of Autumn to fall before sinking into heavenly slumber. You were more marvellous than the gift of life itself.
Looking at your lifeless body, there is no comfort or respite from this pain which tears at my heart and pulls at my sanity. For that sparkle has faded, Mother, and those beautiful azure eyes can no longer see me through the carcass of our mangled relationship. But one day, I shall see you again, and what was once broken shall be healed.